I Know It, I Know It...I Don't Know It

MS is a very sneaky, pain in the butt chronic disease.  I have to remind myself that I am educated.  I have a couple of degrees, so I don't think I would call myself stupid.  But with MS, that is all slowly changing.  The more advanced this disease becomes, the more it eats away at my cognitive abilities. It is so frustrating that words fail me. Concepts that I know I know seem to elude me and get harder and harder to pull up.  MS has affected my word finding, so much so that I need my family to help me fill in the blank.  I mean, I know the word, but it just escapes me. 

I've also noticed that my memory i.e. acquiring, retaining, and retrieving new information is a problem.  I try very hard to keep my brain together. Well, the only thing that I am doing is Big Brain Academy on an old Nintendo DS that my daughter gave me after she received the New Nintendo DSi.  But hey, hand me downs are good, and this game is good for the brain.  It has to remain active. 

There are so many things to this cognitive problems that just grates.  My visual perception sucks, my conversational skills are lacking, ofcourse, due to word fluency and trying to find the word that again I know I know. My long term memory is taking a hit, so I find myself reviewing pictures constantly to jar my  long term memory. And for the time being it seems to be working. Oh yeah, reading comprehension.  I love to read. But, I am finding out that I have to reread some paragraphs to get the true understanding of what the author is trying to convey.  So, I usually stick with really easy breezy reads.  With that being said, I still have to study for continuing education units is quite a struggle.  I am determined to keep my license for being a social worker.  I worked hard at getting that license and I am keeping it.  Plus, I'm still holding onto the hope of working again.  Though, sadly, my body has other plans.

At least my problems with my cognitive skills is a running joke in my household. You know, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.  My son laughs when we clean the kitchen and he is putting up the food and I tell him don't forget to put the food in the garage.  He laughs and says, "I know you meant the fridge Mom, it's okay."  I have to write list on my Blackberry, then I forget to look at my Blackberry.  I think I may have to update my phone to ping/bing or do something to alert me that I need to be doing something or going somewhere.  Daily routines do suffer.  I am great at covering up, or either my family just chooses to ignore the fact that I, who used to be Super Mom, has lost some of her luster.  MS has become my kryptonite.