To Cane or Not to Cane

Yes, I knew I was suffering with many relapses stemming from my MS.  And yes I knew that my balance was off, I had fallen a couple of times, but a cane didn't come into my conscious thinking, except once.  My mother, son and I were shopping and my mother suggested me getting a cane.  My son broke down and cried saying that I could hold onto him.  He would help me walk, he would be my cane.  Well, that nixed the cane. Well, at least at that moment.

I was having yet another relapse, sitting in my neurologist office getting the okay to have the intravenous solumedrol yet again, and in tears.  My doctor did all the standard test for vision, balance etc and with my balance off, vision off and my tears, he looked at my husband and bellowed, "Why doesn't she have a cane?"  My husband took one look at me and said the silliness and vanity were over and a cane I would get.  I was so sick and tired with no fight, all I could do was agree.  

The one big hurdling block was me telling my son.  I needed to understand the reason why my son was so adamantly against canes.  Later that evening I had to have a real heart to heart with my son.  I told him that my doctor said that I needed a cane so I wouldn't hurt myself.  His eyes filled with tears just wailing that he didn't want me to have a cane.  He cried, and cried as I held him asking him why.  He finally admitted that he was afraid I would be like his Pop Pop and be taken away.  I was confused so I asked him to explain.  He went on to tell me that Pop Pop was sick and started to use a cane, then he was gone.  He said he knew that I was sick, no I needed a cane, and he thought I would be gone to be with Pop Pop.

It all fell into place.

I talked to my son hours that evening that Mommy's fight was coming back.  And I assured him that if I tried to pass away that Pop Pop would meet me at the gate and tell me to go back and take care of his grand babies.  I told him that doctor's orders say cane and we would make a game out of it.  I told him if I had to use a cane, I, ofcourse had to be fashionable. So I needed them to match my outfits.  So he recruited his sister Kelsey, called Nana, and we were off cane shopping. Now, I have canes in all colors and styles.  Vanity still prevails. 

Am I happy I need a cane? No, ofcourse not.  But, do I need it? Ofcourse I do.  MS brings about a lot of changes, mental and physical.  Some vanity does go out the window. Am I happy with all the changes, no.  But they are my normal.