To Treat Or Not ToTreat

To Treat Or Not To Treat

To be truthfully honest dealing with a chronic illness on a daily basis is just plain hard.  I hate it.  There I have said it, and I beg anyone else to debate me otherwise.  Though I wake up everyday thankful to God for another day, I still do a body check to see what is working and what it not working.  Then, my day starts from there.  

Last month I was unable to take my treatment because I was in a full blown relapse.  And thankfully, I had a small round of steroids from my other neurologist beforehand so praise God I didn't end up in the hospital.  But, then again, I wish that maybe I had gone into the hospital.  I know, what you are thinking, what she wanted to go to the hospital? And, the answer would be, yes.  You see, I would have gotten much needed rest.  Even in relapse, I still have to run the house, my kids still need me to oversee their online schooling, I am still cooking meals, I am still being wifey, and I need a break. I get frustrated with the treatments, the going in monthly, the still having relapse just because the summer was too damn hot and muggy.  I am just tired.

I hear the voice of my father before he passed when I was complaining that the steroids that I routinely take for flare ups and outright relapses had caused me to gain weight.  In his terminal condition, he looked at me and said, "They make clothes your size don't they?"  And I answered back, "Yes." He looked my square in the eyes and said, "You do, and you take whatever you have to in order to take care of my grandkids because I don't know if I am going to be able to beat this thing."  This "thing" was lung cancer that took my Daddy's life in a short four months after diagnosis.  I have after that day took whatever medications the doctor have thrown at me, been on the most advanced treatment for my multiple scleorsis, but, I am just tired.

I have been reading self healing books of people who have MS and are on organic and natural diets.  Their diets are rich in leafy green vegetables, taking vitamin supplements like Kelp, CQ10, Vitamin B12 shots and liquid drops and it seems to be helping them tremendously.  What I am saying is that I am so tired of the daily regiment of medications. It's a sad state of affairs when your daughter looks at your dresser which is covered with medication bottles and states that I could open my own pharmacy.  It's a sad truth.  And to be truthfully honest, I am just tired.  I am tired of not really knowing what these medications will and are doing my body. I am tired of the new insurance that I have, the immense red tape that I have to go through to get a script.  I could just say, forget about it.  

Yes, I am tired.  Yes, I am considering seriously going off my medications that are currently keeping my MS supposedly at bay.  I am researching and will make a educated decision.  It has to be educated because if I made the decision now, it would be, I don't want the medication and I would stop.  I have started the pros and cons sheet for staying on the medication and going off the medication treatment.  I will continue to research a holistic way to handle my MS and its symptoms and keep in mind that although I hate steroids, they sure are a godsend when you can't see and can't walk.  There are pluses and minuses in everything that we do, but each step that you make must be educated, not on a whim, not being selfish in your thinking and not without a lot of prayer and again, lots of research and weighing the benefits.  So, as I sit tomorrow on the drip for two hours getting my treatment, I will be able to see both the pro and the con of taking this medication and I will take it from there.  Wish me luck in my quest to answer the question...To Treat Or Not To Treat....

God Speed.